You get a welter of opinions when you ask how to be a good host, if for no other reason than the differences in culture from one region to the next. For instance, some religions teach that a host’s obligations to his guests exceed those to his family. Unless you don’t treat your family very well, that means you roll out the red carpet for your house guests.
So what makes a good host?
Look in any dictionary and you’ll read that a host is one who receives or entertains guests in a social or official capacity. That’s wide spectrum of situations, so the host’s duties vary accordingly. With that in mind, certain hosting tips apply to most social situations, so read below for advice on how to be a good host.
Hosting In the Home
The most basic hosting situation is having guests to the house. If the guest is invited, that guest should have some idea of what is expected of them and what is going to be provided to them. Invited guests are treated with deference by all residents of the home, but the head of the family or household is foremost in that regard.
Usually this doesn’t require great knowledge of etiquette. Common-sense friendly behavior is more than sufficient.
If the guest is staying overnight, he is given the best possible accommodations, and the family makes an effort to adjust their schedules to the guest’s requirements. If the guest is staying longer than a few days, your guest is expected to make allowances for the family going about its normal daily business.
The old saying is true: “guests are like fish; they begin to stink after the third day.”
What to Do with Uninvited Guests
Uninvited guests in the home are given the casual accommodation deserved by occasional visitors. Depending on the relationship to the host, they should be made to feel as welcome, as they really are. If they aren’t welcome, let them know in as polite a manner as possible.
Most unwelcome guests are aware of their status and resolve it themselves, given the chance.
How to Host a Party
Parties tend to be organized around a theme which means that learning how to host a party requires that you understand both your environment and audience. The most common party themes are birthdays and anniversaries. Other themes might be holidays, cook-outs and Super Bowl parties. There other sorts of parties that are casual and hosted by whomever has the largest TV or barbecue grill.
Invitations this latter type of party communicate the guests’ role in the festivities, such as bringing beer or a covered dish.
At birthday or anniversary parties, regardless of how many attend or aid in the planning, one person or couple is the host. The host’s obligations to the attendees is to ensure they are fed and supplied with drink. The host’s obligation to the “guest of honor” is to provide for their every need.
The purpose of such parties is for the attendees to lavish affection and attention on the guest of honor.
Large parties such as these are frequently held in restaurants or halls. In this case, the host is the one who organizes the event and deals with the staff. His responsibility is to see to it that the staff meet the guests’ needs and those of the guest of honor in particular.
If there is any doubt as to who is hosting such an event, a comparison of checkbooks reveals all.
Celebrations
How to Be a Good Host
Parties or banquets held in celebration of some group accomplishment are common. The host is an individual designated by the group to deal with the arrangements. He is referred to as the “master of ceremonies,” and is in charge of coordinating the food and drink, as well as the speeches and awards.
This job is given to someone selected by the group for their abilities in this area.
At genuinely large functions, the group may wish to hire a professional master of ceremonies to do the job. The organizer selected by the group is responsible for dealing with the staff at the event. At a large event, the host selects several other members of the group, who provide assistance with these duties.
Weddings and Receptions
Weddings are the mothers of all celebrations. Weddings are also the reef upon which many relationships are wrecked. Remember to carefully spell out in the invitations: the wedding is a celebration of the bridal couple’s marriage and nothing else.
Weddings are expensive affairs. The nominal host is always the bride’s parents, usually the father. In truth, he pays for the affair and dances with the bride at the reception, while others tend to handle most of the planning.
Most bride’s fathers wouldn’t have it any other way. The complications ensue when money becomes an issue.
When Is Too Much?
Many brides want large and ostentatious celebrations. When informed that the funds are not available for such an affair, many insist on them anyway. Consequently, bride’s fathers can find themselves going to the groom’s family for financial support.
Although the in-laws are usually more than willing to help with the financing, the groom’s parents logically assume that this gives them certain rights in the organization and execution of the affair. If you ask someone else to help pay, don’t be offended when they offer suggestions.
In this case, a good host forges ironclad agreements, prior to the consummation of any arrangements, as to the role other parties may play. He is steadfast in politely adhering to these agreements. If a genuine difficulty arises, turn the bride loose on the situation.
No amount of indignation trumps the righteous certitude of an angry bride.
The only other obligation of the host at such a function is to ensure that the guests enjoy themselves. This is easy since, aside from a few old boyfriends, everyone is happy to see the couple wed.
Dinners
Everyone likes to eat. That is why dinner parties are so popular. Whether it is cocktails and dinner, or dinner and a movie, the word “dinner” tends to be included in a night together.
Dinner parties range from fancy-dress to beach casual. They range from hot dogs and burgers to chateaubriand and truffles. The real purpose of the dinner party is bringing together a group of interesting and enjoyable people.
The host of a dinner party held in a home is responsible for providing sustenance and libation for all the invited. Care is taken that any special dietary needs are dealt with, and the alcoholics are not seated next to the decanters.
The host determines what is served and when. If catering or service help is used, the host is solely responsible for dealing with them.
Some hosts prefer to host their dinners at restaurants. This is fine, so long as the restaurant management is briefed on what to expect. Showing up at a small bistro with ten couples in tow only results in confusion and delay. All such affairs are arranged ahead of time.
Payment for meals at a restaurant dinner party is arranged ahead of time. Some hosts arrange “get-togethers”, with the expectation that each guest pays his own way, or that the bill be split evenly. This is fine, provided the guests are informed of this at the time they’re invited to take part.
Misunderstandings at this sort of event lead to broken friendships and sour feelings. The money involved is beside the point, as the meaning behind the money outweighs other considerations.
The Perfect Host
The perfect host meets every need and desire of every one of his guests. He ensures that there are no guests present who hate each other. He caters to the eccentricities and whims of everyone in the room.
The best host should be gracious to the late-comer, while accommodating of the early-leaver.
The perfect host, in other words, needs only to apply the golden rule: treat the guests as one would like to be treated oneself. This rule has been the cornerstone of hospitality since the days of Abraham, or at least it should have been. Hosting an event is about making people feel welcome.
Do this one thing, keeping it foremost in one’s mind during the event, and you’ll be remembered as a perfect host.
Related posts:
