It’s not enough to learn how to be a good wife. Being a good wife requires showing goodwill towards your husband, so you have to practice being a good spouse.
Marriages are made in heaven, but it’s up to all the Adams and Eves in the world to maintain their wedding vows. For centuries, man was the bread-winner of the family, while the woman carried the children and brought happiness to the home and the family. That made sense in an agricultural economy, because families needed a lot of farmhands.
Women remained pregnant a lot of the time, to produce these children. Men tended to be bigger and stronger, so they plowed the fields and harvested the crop. That’s simply the way it was, because it’s how family arrangements worked best throughout the world.
We live in changing times, where earning money to pay for a family requires different skills, or at least allows people to use different skills. A woman can be a bread-winner like her husband, or even the only primary earner in the family. Still, responsibility towards the family in these situations seldom lessen.
Best Wife Traits
This makes mastering how to be a good wife more challenging than ever. While holding the lion’s share of the mother’s traditional duties to husband and children, women in the modern age have taken on a whole new set of responsibilities. This adds a whole other layer of pressures on today’s women.
A good wife maintains a happy relationship with her husband, but also nurtures the kids and sees to the finer points of their upbringing. This requires the sacrifice of a lot of time, energy and personal identity, if you’re going to make it work.
The Give and Take of Marriage
How to be a good wife, then? What are the prerequisites of a good wife? Does the life of a good wife only mean and need sacrifices?
Nothing could be far from truth. Mothers and wives must sacrifice, but men are expected to bring more to the plate, too. Besides, some sacrifices are worth it. What you get in return pays off the sacrifices made.
Besides, what else were you going to be doing with your time, all these years? Single life only has so many charms.
Now that I’ve given a pep talk to all the moms and struggling wives out there, let’s get down to brass tacks: a discussion of what it takes to be a good wife.
Men are bad mind-readers. As a general rule, men tend to be straightforward. When you’re straightforward, you tend to look out for the same from other people. If a person doesn’t speak frankly, the man’s likely to miss the point.
A good wife understands this and expresses her feelings openly. Don’t expect your husband to understand things by himself. If there’s anything you like or don’t like, or anything you want done, say it in plain words.
Don’t make insinuations and sly accusations, then blame him for not understanding. Communicate directly, calmly and clearly.
Communicate Your Needs and Desires
Expressions are not only about your beliefs, needs and feelings. Discuss the your needs and goals, his needs and goals and the family’s needs and goals. Don’t do this all at once, but pick your spots and communicate on all three subjects.
Men respect women who are more direct, honest and responsible. Discuss having and rearing children, as well as faith and belief issues.
Yours is a partnership. Your relationship grows only when each partner is communicate without the fear of being rebuked, ignored or insulted. Don’t attack your partner with words.
When he comes home from a long day, be supportive. Learn what the best way to support him is: either talking about it or giving his space. Good married couples eventually spend time with one another and discuss their problems between them, but this doesn’t mean you should smother him.
This is important; your husband should look forward to returning to you every day.
Keep a good house. There is nothing more inviting than a clean neat home. Plan dinner ahead, because a man looks forward to is a pleasant meal.
This is one way of telling him “you care”, while it’s a good way to set up structure for children.
Don’t forget to prepare yourself. Rest for 15 minutes before he arrives, so you look fresh and relaxed. Wash up, comb your hair and touch up the make up.
After a long day of seeing work weary people, the last thing your husband wants is seeing you tired and dirty. You make yourself up for other people all day, so it can’t hurt to do the same for the man in your life.
Be as cheerful as you can. Clear up all the clutter before he arrives. Clean up the kids.
Go a step ahead in the winter season and light up a fire, so he can feel warm. Minimize all noise and teach the children to keep quiet.
Good Wives Portray Trust
Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and that goes double in a marriage. You meet many people each day. If you don’t find yourself falling in love, there is no reason why he should.
Trust means giving needed space, at times. Avoid prying into his personal time and allow him to do what he feels like. Nothing could be more disgusting than having to give a explanation each time you meet someone or go out alone.
Avoid questioning his actions and judging his integrity in front of others. Allow him the freedom to be late for dinner or spend night out with his friends, every once in a while.
Learn to accept things (and him) for what they are. Save yourself a lot of unhappy moments and even a broken relationship, by not building up crazy expectations.
For instance, it would be unrealistic to expect lavish possessions and have every meal with your husband. To meet the ever growing financial burden, he might have to work overtime or at different places. Chip in as much as you can and in everyway you can, and see your relationship and your bank balance growing.
Chipping in sometimes means doing without. Don’t spend every penny the family has on extravagances. If both members of a marriage practice good economics, you can save for the autumn years. If only one of the two of you spend too much, you’ll have serious financial concerns all your lives.
Love the Man You Married
It’s joked that a man marries a woman, thinking she’ll never change; while a woman marries a man, hoping to change him. Accept him for what he is. Develop mutual respect and gratitude in your relationship.
Physical intimacy is the basis of a marriage for most man. Sexual intimacy is a crucial area of marriage for most men, while it defines the level of his relationship with his life partner. Men associate with sex their most deep emotional and physical feelings and desires.
As a wife, your sexual approach to him is crucial to his happiness. Most men like to have sex every day or so, while for a few, once a week is fine. Some men enjoy sex 2 to 4 times a week, but this entirely depends on personal preferences.
Love-making is more interesting when you add variety with sensual foreplay. Be open about your sexuality and discuss with your husband his, and your, likes openly. This is your husband, so don’t be shy.
Most men who don’t receive frequent intimate acceptance from their partner suffer from latent feelings of anger and rejection. Their eyes are going to start to wander. A man whose sexual desires has been satisfied at home may stray, but he’s less likely to stay, if he is satisfied at home.
Tips to be a Good Wife
Never criticize him, be it in his presence or his absence, in front of other people. When you criticize him in private, make it constructive, loving criticism. Don’t make angry displays or play mind games.
Criticism given in a bad fashion can foster an ill-feeling in him. If there is something that you don’t like or don’t want him to do, say it plainly, simply and lovingly. Use an “I feel” tag to soften the blow.
Compliments Don’t Hurt You
Support, encourage and compliment him often. Voice your concern and opinion in a more expressive way, than a criticizing manner.
While this may seem the most difficult part, it could also be the easiest way out of your troubles – when in a fight or a conflict, keep quiet. When your tempers are under control, speak your heart out and expect him to understand and respect you for that.
Don’t Be Petty
Avoid squabbling and fault finding, especially during fights. Something once said cannot be un-said. One angry word can leave an irreparable dent in your relationship.
If religion is an issue, discuss your faiths together. Agree it’s not a final showdown over a final decision, because as time passes, the “issue” may have disappeared by itself. Remember: environment and people tend to change with time.
Learn to differentiate between a good and bad relationship. No one can foster a good relationship with physical abuse. In your desire to be a good wife, don’t let him demean you or hit you, for any reason at all.
Respect is the foundation of a relationship. When he strikes you or threatens to strike you, he’s showing you no respect. If he hits you, get out of the relationship; studies show he’ll hit you again.
Try to talk things out. Even see a counselor if required. He may be suffering from a deep emotional vacuum, which he tries to fill up by getting back at you. Bad marriages can be repaired with true and selfless love, but first get to know if he can appreciate it.
Marriage is a two-way street. To have a successful marriage, you have to learn how to be a good wife, but he has to be a good husband, too. Never suffer in silence and expect him to come around.
Don’t just go through the motions, if you are a working woman. Put time into your marriage, as you put time into your career and your children. What you get in return – the unflinching love and partnership – is worth the investment.